


kono saitei na kimochi

by komikamii



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Implied/Referenced BPD, M/M, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Suicide, i was so manic when i wrote this pls forgive me, vent fic lmaoo, yes the title is a shinsei kammattechan lyric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-21
Updated: 2020-11-21
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:16:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 564
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27656720
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/komikamii/pseuds/komikamii
Summary: He feels nothing, he craves poison, he's willing to die for the one he loves.(title trans. this horrible feeling)
Relationships: Hinata Hajime/Komaeda Nagito
Comments: 2
Kudos: 38
Collections: komahina





	kono saitei na kimochi

Nagito Komaeda feels nothing. Every mirror he looks at seems to distort itself into some kind of monster, and everything he touches seems to shrivel up and die and fall through his fingers. Sometimes when those things happen, he feels things. A twinge of sadness, maybe, or just inconvenience. He hates the way he feels things

He craves poison. He craves cyanide in his blood and radiation in his bones. He wishes he could watch his body fall apart, watch his ribs break through his skin and pierce his lungs, watch his fingers become skeletal remnants of a human, watch his tears turn to blood. He wishes his legs would break and his wrists would snap and his neck would crack. He wishes he could bite his tongue off with his teeth.

There’s no semblance of control in his mind. Everything he feels is to an extreme. He loves to the point of mad obsession, he hates to the point of murder. He hates himself to the point of death. He hates himself to the point of stabbing and stabbing and stabbing and stabbing and stabbing himself and _oh God oh fuck_ his body is carnage and _fuck_ it makes him hate himself more.

He loves Hajime Hinata to the point of dying for him. He loves him to the point of killing people for him. He’s willing to get hurt and tortured and killed, all for hope. He’s willing to do anything for that last semblance of light in his life.

Even die.

Everything is blood before he knows it. He’s dripping in it and he still can’t feel anything. His body stings and aches and it hurts, it hurts so much, but his heart is still empty. He takes the knife and he stabs, stabs, stabs, again and again and again until his thighs are a mess of blood and the fat that pokes out of the wounds. He wishes he could cut out all that fat. Maybe he wouldn’t hate himself so much if he could.

The blade slides so nicely through his skin. He could get addicted to the sound it makes, to watching the sides of the cut smoothy slide apart and gape. Every cut he makes he wants to go deeper. Every drop of blood leaves him thirsting for more. He begs for the salty red poison.

He begs to be loved. To be a stepping stone for hope. Even if it means he dies.

The rope around his wrists is tight, so tight. He’s somehow in love with the pain it brings him. Because pain is a feeling, and Nagito Komaeda doesn’t often have those.

He wants to scream. He has to tape his mouth to stop the terror escaping him. But terror is a feeling, right? He should be grateful for it. He should be happy. He should be enjoying this. He smiles beneath the duct tape.

Maybe to die for the one you love is the ultimate show of human feeling.

Poison. The poison he craves so badly. He awaits it eagerly. He wonders how it will feel as it chokes him to death. He wonders if he’ll feel anything when it all comes to an end. He wonders if there’ll be hell waiting for him.

The poison begins to fill the room, and his lungs. He smiles as he chokes.

 _What a wonderful feeling_.

**Author's Note:**

> another unedited komahinabutnotreally fic from me except at this time 1am instead of 3. hhhhhhhhhng. i need more coffee.


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